Aside Star Trek II and “Once More With Feeling,” a big inspiration for this project was "Once More With Hobbits".  After Alan saw their rewrites of the “Once More With Feeling” songs to fit “The Lord of the Rings,” a deranged and possibly very bad idea began to form.  You be the judge.  This will be best enjoyed with you’re “Once More With Feeling” soundtrack playing in the background as you sing the songs at the top of your lungs. 

 

WARNING TO BUFFY PURISTS: In order to fit the dramatic flow of “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan,” the order of the songs from “Once More With Feeling” has been changed slightly.

 

 

“ONCE MORE WITH STARSHIPS”
aka
"STAR TREK II: THE MUSICAL!”

Star Trek II Screenplay by Jack B. Sowards
All songs originally by Joss Whedon
New lyrics by Alan Decker and Anthony Butler

 

OVERTURE

 

Throughout the overture, Admiral James T. Kirk observes as Saavik attempts the Kobyashi Maru test.  After she completely blows up the simulator, Kirk shakes his head and walks off down the corridor, lamenting his situation.

 

REGRETTING MY PROMOTION (Formerly “Going Through The Motions”)

 

KIRK

Every single time

The same assignment

I go out and watch them fight

Still I can’t observe with pure detachment

That should be my chair

With Spock at my right

 

My resentment grows

I try to pose

Although I’m sure it shows

 

That I’m regretting my promotion

To the Admiralty

I just want to take a ship and flee

 

On the Enterprise

I was courageous

Now I’m too far from the fray

Admiral’s rank is nice

But I’ve got star lust

Got to get away

 

Spock shows up beside him and shoves a book in Kirk’s hands.

 

SPOCK

Here it’s your birthday

 

KIRK

That was yesterday.

 

Spock moves off as the scene transitions to Kirk’s apartment.  Before he can open his mouth to continue, his door bursts open, and Sulu, Scotty, Uhura, and McCoy dance in with McCoy in the lead carrying a bottle of Romulan Ale

 

SULU/SCOTTY/UHURA/McCOY

Your job really sucks

You’re in a rut

Forget this admiral stuff

‘Cause you’re

Regretting your promotion

Think your ship has sailed

 

McCoy hands Kirk a glass of Romulan ale.  Kirk refuses.

 

McCOY

You won’t even drink this Romulan

Ale...

 

KIRK

Can’t command a ship forever

Thought the admiralty’d be better

 

McCOY

You can run away.

 

KIRK

No.  Never.

I can’t go on reeeeeeeeeee-

Gretting my promotion

Thinking of old times

I’ll serve Starfleet yet

By teaching dumb cadets

You folks don’t need to fret

I’m fine!

 

 

ENTERPRISE BRIDGE

 

Sulu, Scotty, and Uhura putter around preparing the ship for departure.

 

SCOTTY

Are we really putting the Enterprise

in the hands of cadets?

 

UHURA

Those are our orders.

 

SCOTTY

Aye.  That they are.

 

SULU

Just relax.  It’ll be fine.

 

WHY SHOULD WE WORRY? (Formerly “I’ve Got A Theory.”)

 

SULU

Why should we worry?

It’s a cadet cruise

A dull cadet cruise

So sit back ‘til we get there.

 

UHURA

Why should we worry?

These kids are bad news

You saw how Saavik smashed up Starfleet's simulator

 

SCOTTY

Why should we worry

With Jim Kirk on board.

 

UHURA/SULU/SCOTTY

We're getting leery

Because we'll spend the movie feeling bored!

 

SULU

There could be a crisis!

A major crisis!

Which is ridiculous because Kirk is here

And he’d save us all without our help

And we don’t count and we never have

And I’ll never get a ship.

 

UHURA

Why should we worry?

‘Cause Saavik’s evil!

 

Scotty and Sulu look at her as though she’s lost her mind.

 

SCOTTY

Why should we...

 

UHURA

Saavik’s not uptight 

Like all the rest of planet Vulcan

She has her pissy days

And curses with emotion

And what’s with all the small shirts?

Why does she get to be in command anyway?

Saavik!  Saavik!

I don’t trust Saavik!

 

Now Scotty and Sulu know she’s flipped her lid.  Just as they turn to talk to each other...

 

UHURA

I think she’s evil

 

SCOTTY

Why should we worry?

Uhura’s just gone nuts

 

SULU/SCOTTY

And there's nothing wrong with showing us

That Vulcan’s bust

 

Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Saavik exit the turbolift onto the bridge just as they finish singing.

 

KIRK

Why should we worry?

Let’s stop the chatter.

 

Spock and McCoy shrug and take their usual bridge positions as Saavik slides into the command chair.  Kirk starts at the rear of the bridge but gradually moves to the front as he sings.

 

KIRK

The Admiral’s here so let’s get going

I hope my melancholy’s showing

I’m getting old

The theme is clear

We’ve hit you all

On the head here.

 

EVERYONE ELSE

He’s feeling down.  Okay.  We get it

We're sick of hearing 'bout his regret

Subtle we’re not

We’ve made it plain

Let’s start the plot.

 

KIRK

Let me complain!

 

EVERYONE ELSE

He’s feeling down.  Okay.  We get it

 

KIRK

I’m feeling down...

 

EVERYONE ELSE

His promotion he really regrets

 

KIRK

I have regret...

 

ALL

Can we please start the plot?

 

UHURA

And ditch that Saavik.

 

Everyone else on the bridge shoots her an angry glare.

 

 

You wanted a plot?  We’ve got a plot.  On Ceti Alpha V, Khan Noonian Singh lords over Chekov and Captain Terrell, who are on their knees in EVA suits, writhing in pain as they grasp at their sealed helmets.

 

EAR BUGS (Formerly “The Mustard”)

 

CHEKOV

Please get...these ear bugs...out!

 

CHEKOV/TERRELL

Please get these ear bugs OWWWWWWWWWWW!

 

 

As the Enterprise cruises along, Spock cruises in a turbolift through the ship.  The lift stops and the doors open, allowing Lieutenant Saavik to enter.

 

SAAVIK

Captain Spock.

 

SPOCK

Lieutenant.

 

The pair rides in silence for a few moments.

 

SPOCK

Aren't you supposed to have the turbolift

scene with Captain Kirk?

 

SAAVIK

In the movie, yes, but the writers are taking

a little dramatic license here.

 

SPOCK

I see.  I suppose we should proceed then. 

Is something troubling you?

 

SAAVIK

It is.  May I speak freely?

 

SPOCK

Of course.  Would you prefer to communicate

via English, Vulcan or musical number?

 

SAAVIK

Musical number.

 

SPOCK

Very well.

 

 

YOU’RE SO LOGICAL (Formerly “Under Your Spell”)

SAAVIK

I lived a life of logic

As part of a pointy‑eared race

It didn't seem so bad, though

I figured that was my place

And now I'm mad with fright

Something just isn't right

 

You're so logical

More logical than me

Please teach me the way to be

It's logic I can tell

How you keep your peace

Make it seem so damn easy

 

I saw a world infested

Feelings and love in the air

I always took for granted

My logic’s better than theirs

But your logic shows

It's better than any I've known

 

You're so logical

Nothing I can do

I wish I could mind‑meld with you

You keep your calm so well

Finally, I knew

Everything I thought was true

You made me believe

 

Secrets that I hide

Swelling with Romulan pride

 

You're so logical

Ears are all pointy

Wanting to be so blase

I think I'm stuck in hell

Frigging ecstasy

Logic’s not a part of me

 

You make me com‑pete

You make me com‑pete

You make me com‑pete

You make me...

 

Meanwhile, Admiral Kirk receives an urgent message on the monitor in his quarters from Carol Marcus.  Her image and voice are distorted on the screen.

 

CAROL

Jim! Is that you?

 

KIRK

Um...yes.  Do I know you?

 

CAROL

It's Carol!

 

KIRK

Er...you're going to need to be a little

more specific.

 

CAROL

Carol Marcus!

 

KIRK

I think I know that name.

 

CAROL

JIM!

 

KIRK

Oh, Carol!  Right!  Sure.

 

CAROL

Jim, they want Genesis!

 

KIRK

Who?  What do they want with Genesis? 

I don't think Phil Collins is even around

anymore, so a reunion is out of the question.

 

CAROL

Not that Genesis!

 

KIRK

Oh!  The planet maker thingy.  Gotcha.

 

Carol's message disintegrates.  Kirk, realizing this could be trouble, gathers Spock and McCoy in his quarters to fill them in.

 

KIRK

I just got word from...a Carol-somebody

that somebody else wants Genesis.  Before

we take action, though, you should know

what Genesis is.  I have a film.

 

SPOCK

Is there popcorn?

 

McCOY

Who's playing Phil Collins?

 

 

One animated spectacular later, the fully‑informed officers head up to the bridge and send the Enterprise hurtling toward Regula One.

 

Some time later, the Enterprise detects the USS Reliant heading its way.  What the Enterprise crew doesn’t know is that we’ve secretly replaced the Reliant’s crew with a bunch of pissed off 20th Century genetic supermen.  Let’s see what happens...

 

As the Enterprise and Reliant approach each other, Khan sits imperiously in the Reliant's command chair, watching his quarry come closer.

 

ALL SHOT TO HELL (Formerly “I’ll Never Tell”)

 

KHAN

There is the ship that I plan to disable

Phasers are primed

Kirk's toupeed head will be brought to my table

Vengeance is mine

The last vic'try was his

But I'll win now 'cause I'm a whiz

Just wait 'till his ship is

All shot to hell

 

Meanwhile, on the Enterprise bridge, Kirk considers the Reliant.

 

KIRK

There is a ship

It's a Starfleet starship

But why in this place?

Floating out there should I care

That it's there

In space

Out in space!

They really should have hailed

Something's wrong.  Could their comm have failed?

If they shoot we'll be ‑‑ nailed

All shot to hell

 

 

             KIRK                                          KHAN

    But who'd shoot us to hell?       But I'll shoot you to hell

 

 

KHAN

He's mine

 

KIRK

She's coming

 

KHAN

Prepare to raise the shielding

 

KIRK

I've got a funny feeling

And I can't say why

 

KHAN

We'll soon‑‑be blasting

 

KIRK

The regs here are exacting

 

KHAN

Our phasers will be lancing

'cross their hull's white side

 

KIRK/KHAN

Oh wait

Our ships are friendly

 

KIRK

Just two ships that should by chance meet

 

KHAN

Just a part of one big nice fleet

 

KIRK

Just no need to call a retreat

KIRK/KHAN

I know all will be well

 

                    KIRK                                                                  KHAN

'Cause no way we're shot to hell                     'Cause you'll be all shot to hell

 

KHAN

When things get tough then

He just hides behind his Vulcan

And soon he will be sulkin'

'Cause I've shot up his ship

 

KIRK

I'm bored.  Of waitin'

When's something gonna happen?

They shoulda‑‑

 

KHAN

Okay.  Start shootin'!

 

The Enterprise rocks under the first barrage.

 

KIRK

This is my ship, Hello!  We‑‑

 

More shots from the Reliant.

 

KHAN

Look at that!  We hit them!  Crazy!

 

Phasers blast and stuff on the Enterprise explodes as the jaunty musical interlude plays.

 

KIRK/KHAN

You know...

 

KIRK

We should have raised shields

 

KHAN

Go taste how that feels!

 

KIRK

They knew just the spots to hit us

Puts an end to all my fleet trust

And for now they've left us

Dead in space!

 

More sprightly music as Reliant fires one more time.

 

KHAN

They're gone

 

KIRK

We're gonners

 

KHAN

And now it's time to talk terms

 

KIRK

Look there on the viewscreen

It's that crazy Khan guy

 

KHAN

Kirk, my old friend

You're life has reached its due end

It's Genesis that you'll send

Give Spock a hug bye

 

KIRK/KHAN

Not long

Until the time's up

He's strong

But on these thoughts I can't dwell

 

KIRK

Could we send the ship its prefix code?

 

KHAN

Will Genesis be a motherload?

 

KIRK

Khan, you've got to give us more time

'Cause the data we just can't find

 

KHAN

Kirk, come on.  Your fate, it beckons

You've got less than sixty seconds

 

KIRK

Here it's comin'

KHAN

Shields are droppin'

 

KIRK

Now our phasers start a blastin'

 

The Enterprise's weapons savage Reliant.

 

KIRK/KHAN

And that final bit of shooting

Is this battle's death knell

We're hit and all shot to hell

My ship is all shot to hell

 

KIRK

Choking on smoke

 

KHAN

We have to flee

 

KIRK

No time for glee

We barely won

 

KIRK/KHAN

All shot to...HELL!

 

 

There's a whole lot of stuff that happens here.  Really exciting stuff, I assure you.  The Enterprise reaches Regula One.  Kirk, Saavik and McCoy beam aboard the station.  They find Chekov and Terrell.  They beam into the Regula moon and find Carol and David Marcus.  Did you know David Marcus was Kirk’s son?  Talk about drama!  And David doesn’t like his Dad!  Like I said, it's quality stuff.  None of it involves singing, though, so we're just going to skip right on up to the very tense moment just after Terrell and Chekov have told Khan where Genesis is.  Khan's beamed up the Genesis Device, Chekov has collapsed, and now Terrell has a phaser pointed at our heroes!   Whatever will they do!  Listen to a song.  That's what...               

 

TERRELL’S LAST GASP (Formerly “Parking Ticket”)

 

TERRELL

I've got a creature in my brain

Can't seem to put my phaser away

I'm gonna kill you, Bones.

It's in my head, came through my ear.

And now it's telling me to fire!

It has its tendrils everywhere!

 

Why can't I let it go?

I think it's making me aware

That Khan wants you to despair

Maybe I'll shoot myself right here!

 

Astoundingly enough, he does.  And for one brief shining moment, Khan believes that his old adversary is dead.  But then Kirk just has to get on the commline and spoil everything.  Fortunately (for Khan anyway), our antagonist recovers quickly and makes some lemonade out of the proverbial lemons.

 

 

THE GLOAT OF KHAN (Formerly "What You Feel")

 

KHAN

So you're still alive

Despite all my guile

But you'll have to survive

Way deep inside a great rock pile

 

You stranded us on Ceti Alpha

Fifteen years until I escaped and got ya

So I win the day

Looks like you're stuck a while

 

I'll take Genesis 

While you sit and rot

That's the way it is

And right now you can't do squat

Now for your ship I'll be a gunnin'

I'll blast their britches off

I'll send the torps in

Call your next of kin

You're stuck in quite a spot.

 

And I know how you feel, Kirk

I know just how you feel, Kirk

 

KIRK

So you're going to come down and

face me?  Fight me man‑to‑man?

 

Khan laughs.

 

KHAN

All this battling

It goes on too long

Why waste energy?

When I can just sing this song

Enterprise is damaged and waiting

A wounded bird just ripe for the plucking

And you'll sit helplessly

Knowing they're dead and gone

 

The time has come

So long old chum

Its time to end this scene

It's nice to know that I'm hurting you so

Now let me hear you scream

 

'Cause you're stuck stranded here, Kirk

 

KIRK

You're a twit

Who can't hit

A target

Come here and see

 

KHAN

I've buried you, Kirk

 

KIRK

You took this

Genesis

But you missed

my whole body

 

KHAN

You're stuck inside the Regula moon

And no help will be coming real soon

 

KIRK

We can fight

Prove your might

Here tonight

Just beam down here

 

KHAN

I'm not biting

Sit there and glower

You're just a zero

While I've got the power

 

KIRK

Think your tough

Show your stuff

Where is great Khan the killer?

 

KHAN

Kill you?  Oh, I've done far worse than

kill you. I've hurt you. And, I wish to go

on hurting you. I shall leave you as you

left me‑‑as you left her‑‑marooned, for all

eternity, in the center of a dead planet:

buried alive.

 

Now we've reached the end

You're stuck in quite a spot

 

KIRK

KHAN! 

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

 

Kirk soon realizes that Khan has hung up on him...either that or he lost the comm signal.  The reception stinks inside a planet.  With a shrug, Kirk plops down on the grass in the Genesis cave to wait.  Soon, Saavik approaches him.

 

SAAVIK

Admiral, about the Kobyashi Maru...

 

KIRK

So you want to know how I beat it.

 

SAAVIK

No, actually, I was interested in my

Performance in the sim...

 

Too late.  Kirk’s already burst into song.

 

LET ME TRY TO CHEAT (Formerly “Let me Rest in Peace”)


KIRK

I tried

So many years ago

To beat Starfleet’s Academy’s

No-win scenario

And although I flunked it many times,

I think I finally showed,

mmm-mmm

 

You’re scared

Afraid that you might fail

And you can’t seem to save your ship

From all of those travails

Raise the shields, and arm the torps

You know it isn’t real

That's great

But I don't wanna play

'Cause losing really rankles me

More than I can say

And since my crew’ll die real soon

I’m gonna find a way

So let me try to cheat

 

Let me try to cheat

Let me get this beat

Let me reprogram this simulator

So that I can get some sleep

I risked everything to win

But I’m still in Starfleet

So let me try to cheat

 

You know,

Kobayashi’s saved

I just love to think about

All those admirals who’ll rave

And when they do

I’m telling you

That I can find a way

So let me try to cheat

 

I know I should go

back inside the sim, and retake the test

There’s a simulator, that’s what I know best

And I love it more than you’d ever guess

But I love that I just passed that test

but I can see you're unimpressed

So leave me be and

Let me try to cheat

Let me get this beat

Let me reprogram this simulator

So that I can get some sleep

I risked everything to win

But I’m still in Starfleet

So let me try to cheat

Why won't you

Let me try to cheat?

 

 

Meanwhile, up on the Enterprise, Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott is facing a decidedly untidy engine room.  It’s amazing what a mess a crippling attack can make.  Unfortunately for Scotty, Captain Spock is demanding little things like transporters and main power.  What’s an engineer to do?  Sing to his ship.  That’s what.

 

REPAIRING IN MY WAY (Formerly “Standing in the Way”)


SCOTTY

You're not ready

For a Reliant fight

But Spock keeps calling

And I cannae hide

I know I said that I’d

have engines back online

But I...

 

The shields are beaten

And the engines died

The warp field’s failing

And the phasers fried

Spock told me two days,

but I think that he lied

But I ...

 

I wish I could align

The warp core

To get us on our way

Wish I could arm the phasers

in hours ‘stead of days

Wish Khan would pay

But I’m only one man

And I’m repairing in my way

 

Below Regula,

the Captain’s stuck

And Spock knows I’m here

To fix this junk

But he told the Captain

It’d be hours ‘stead of days

But I

 

I wish I could

Work a miracle

And save the day at last

Wish I could

Start the engines

But now their time has passed

Wish I had the power

But I dinnae, I guess

But I'm

Repairing

In my way

I’m just repairing

In my own way

 

 

Back inside the Regula Moon, Lieutenant Saavik has discovered to her well-disguised horror that Admiral Kirk evidently plans to keep telling stories about his career until they all die of old age.  This wasn’t exactly how she planned to spend her career.  Soon, she begins a lamentation of her own as Scotty continues his on the Enterprise.  Thank the Great Bird for split-screen or this would never work.

 

WISH KHAN WOULD PAY (Formerly “Under Your Spell/Wish I Could Stay (Reprise)”)

 

SAAVIK

It's not logical.

Spock, how can this be?

Leaving Kirk down here with me

Oh how his head does swell.

Of his captaincy

He insists on telling me

I need a reprieve

 

SCOTTY

Reprieve me now, my engines. Go!

 

SCOTTY/SAAVIK

'Cause if you leave me

It will end this show

The final blow

 

SCOTTY                                                            SAAVIK

Wish I could fix the warp core                       Wish I could trust that you'll come back for us

To get us on our way                                     Since we're stuck inside this crust

Wish I could arm the phasers                        My lovely bust will turn to dust

In hours 'stead of days                                  All gone and I just...

 

SCOTTY/SAAVIK

Wish Khan would pay

Wish Khan would pay

Wish Khan would pay

Wish Khan would pay

 

                     

But wait!  It was all a ruse!  Kirk and Spock had a plan the entire time!  Soon, everyone is back on the Enterprise and rushing around as they’re prone to do in crisis situations.

 

SAAVIK

Wait!  You said the repairs would take

days.

 

SPOCK

No uncoded communications on an

open channel.

 

KIRK

It’s a regulation or something.  Hours became

days, and now we have minutes instead

of hours, and that means the seconds

have gotten really really short!

 

SAAVIK

You could have let me in on it!

 

KIRK

But then it wouldn’t be this cool

surprise!

 

The crew reaches the bridge, and the Enterprise races (and really that’s a generous term for it) toward the Mutara Nebula with the Reliant in hot pursuit.  When the Reliant shows signs of dropping back, Kirk has Uhura do that channel opening thing she does so well to goad on his adversary.

 

LIMP TO MUTARA ( Formerly “Walk Through The Fire”)

KIRK

I’ve fought you, Khan

And you’ve battled me

Loads of hard feelings we don’t lack

You thought me killed

But I’m returning still

I just keep coming back

 

Kirk signals for Uhura to cut the channel.

 

KIRK

My ship is broke

Can’t get much speed

I’ll change the way we play this game

To stay alive

We’ll slip in there and hide

Our ships will be the same

 

So we will limp to Mutara

Where purple gasses churn

We will limp to Mutara

And he’ll go...

 

Meanwhile on the Reliant there sits one really angry 20th century genetic superman.

 

KHAN

That man out there

Keeps tasking me.

And I will have him there’s no doubt.

Oh he can run

But I will have my fun.

This fight will be a rout.

 

Back on the Enterprise, the angst-ridden song-fest continues...

 

SAAVIK

So we have limped to Mutara...

 

Split-screen!

 

SAAVIK                                                KHAN

And we may not return                        He will not return

 

SAAVIK/KHAN

And we have limped to Mutara

Where he’ll go...

 

SPOCK

Khan’s technique, it shows no range, sir

To space fights he is a stranger

We could catch him where he’s unaware.

 

CHEKOV

Standing by, sir, on the weapons.

 

SCOTTY

Is he thinking of my engines,

As he sits there in his captain’s chair.

 

SPOCK/CHEKOV/SCOTTY/SULU/UHURA

Kirk gets us through.

That’s why we’re glad to be his crew.

So we will limp through Mutara...

 

KIRK

So in this place he can’t see me

He says revenge is best served cold.

 

SAAVIK

Out there in space, it’s frosty weather.

 

KIRK

We have him now

We’ll shoot him up and how!

I’ll prove I’m not so old.                                          

 

The Enterprise shoots the utter crap out of the Reliant.  Cue the singing over one another!

 

CHEKOV                                                            KHAN

We have hit him with the phasers.                             So now it’s done. Kirk’s bested

           me

SCOTTY                                                       They feel their vict’ry

Not much longer                                                       Is assured.

Hold together                                                            But it’s my time

          ‘Cause Genesis is mine

SULU                                                            I’ll have the final word.

I feel like I’m flying in the dark

KIRK

SCOTTY                                                    Regretting my promotion

Mains are done for                                                Ship’s captain is my part

No warp power

 

 

DAVID

That shockwave will be a killer

 

SPOCK

I’ll go down and get us

Out of park

 

KIRK                                                                        KHAN

This really blows                                       They will die with me!

We’re are just sitting here like shmoes

 

ALL

And we are caught in Mutara

Our lives will end real soon

So we will die in Mutara

When we go boom

We’ll go boom

We’ll go boom

We’ll go boom!

 

Despite being defeated, charred, battered, and pretty disgusting looking, Khan finds the energy to gloat a little...

 

KHAN GO BOOM (Formerly “Sweet’s Reprise”)

 

KHAN

Well this really sucks

I guess it's my farewell

But you're sitting ducks

Time to ring the final bell.

Genesis will end all this hardship

Try to leave us now

Once more with starships

My revenge is done

I stab at thee from hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

 

CHEKOV

Sir, the mains are back online!

 

KHAN

Showtime!

 

KIRK

Go, Sulu!

 

The Enterprise zips away at warp speed.

 

KHAN

HEY!  That’s not how this is supposed to...

 

BOOOM!!!!

 

And they lived happily ever after...for about five seconds.  Then Kirk gets the call from engineering.

 

McCOY

Jim...You better get down here.

 

KIRK

Not right now, Bones.  I’m basking the glow of victory.

 

McCOY

It’s important.

 

KIRK

So is basking.

 

McCOY (whispering)

It’s Spock.

 

KIRK

What?  I can’t hear a thing you’re muttering.

 

McCOY

SPOCK!

 

KIRK

Spock, it’s for you.

 

He looks over at the science console and realizes that his friend and science officer is missing.  The light dawns.  Kirk’s face fills with horror, he goes racing down there, sees Spock, yada yada yada.  You know the drill.  Separated by the protective glass (or transparent aluminum or whatever) of the chamber where Spock is dying, the Vulcan informs his long-time friend Kirk of the logic of his actions...

 

KATRA (Formerly "Life")

 

SPOCK

You're my friend,

And you will always be

But now it's time for me

to die right at your feet

 

Now that we

Were able to stop Khan,

From screwing up this song

Why don't you run along?

 

Now I call,

It quits

But the ship

Is fixed

Do not grieve

My friend

I know you

will get

what you

most want

 

To lose the Admirals bars

To fly among the glittering starrrrrrrrrrrrrs

 

It's logical

It's logical

 

It's so human to cry and pout

You've no reason to cry and pout


Many’s needs           

Outweigh the needs of few

There's nothing left to dooooooooo

I'm dying pretty soon.


Still we're friends

Will be forever more

And who knows what's  in storrrrrrrrre

See you in Star Trek Four....

 

I can't stand

Humans

All those E-

-motions

You and I

are friends

But now it

Must end

Well that

Depends...

 

On if you let me go

On if you know enough to know

 

In McCoy's mind

I'm left behind

 

There was no pain,

No fear, no doubt

Till I gave away

My katraaaaaa.

 

So that's my refrain

My brain's on loan

I gave it to Bones

My Katraaaaaa.

The doctor has my Katraaaaaa

 

So go to Vulcan and yank it out

Please go to Vulcan....

 

Spock begins spasming and flinging himself around the dilithium chamber until finally, as the music reaches its most frantic, he dies.

 

KIRK

Now that he's gone

I wander what

My good friend Spock

Was saying?

This pain that I feel

Only can heal

By Trekking.

I have to go on trekking

So one of us is trekking....

 

SCOTTY

The hottest air in this room

comes from the Admiral

 

With the adventure at an end, the remaining crew of the Enterprise gathers in the torpedo room to launch Spock’s corpse into space.  As the torpedo casket moves down the track, a song begins, and it sure as hell ain’t Amazing Grace.

 

HOW CAN WE END IT HERE? (Formerly “Where Do We Go From Here?”)

 

SAAVIK

How can we end it here?

 

SAAVIK/KIRK

How can we end it here?

 

KIRK

The movie’s done

And we blew up Khan

 

SAAVIK/KIRK

But we lost someone who’s dear

How can we end it here?

 

McCOY/SPOCK’S VOICE

Why is my head unclear?

Feel that Spock’s brain is near

 

ALL

Understand we’ll be back again

There’s a sequel due next year

 

McCOY

Help me!

 

ALL

How can we end it here?

Kirk’s life is back in gear

McCoy is acting weird

And Spock’s return

Is a big concern

We can tell Trek Three is near

 

How can we end it here?

 

How can we end it here?

 

How can we end...IT HERE?

 

 

On the Enterprise bridge, with his crew, ex, and son gathered around, Kirk looks at the Genesis planet on the viewscreen, reflecting on what has transpired.

 

CODA (Formerly “Coda” oddly enough)

 

KIRK

I fought with Khan

Vic’try was not free

I can’t believe that I’ve lost                                    SPOCK’S VOICE

Spock                                                            I’ve died, but we’ve four films to go

I have no fear                                                So you can find me here

I know I’ll come back here.

 

 

ALL

How can we end it HERE?

 

Booming crescendo and cue the closing credits!


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