The Bain Of Our Existence: Difference between revisions
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==Summary== | ==Summary== | ||
After losing two ships to the [[USS Anomaly]], [[Thot-Phul]] is wallowing in a bar in the hinterlands of space rather than facing the humiliation of returning to Breen. Much to his surprise, he is beamed out of the bar and into a room where five other people sit around a table. They introduce themselves has the members of [[FOBBER]], Foes Of Bain Bearing Eternal Rage, and, like Phul, they have had run-ins with and vowed revenge against [[Reginald Bain]]. Each of them tell Phul their story. | |||
===Gridloo & Pridloo=== | |||
Many years earlier, [[Gridloo]] and [[Pridloo]] are Pakled smugglers running a ship that they call Ship. While transporting an illegal drug to Cardassian space, a series of unfortunate events leaves Ship close to a core breach. They are happened upon by the [[USS Abu Simbel]], which offers to assist. The Abu Simbel's captain, [[Wer Cillan]], is suspicious and sends her Tactical Officer, Lieutenant Commander Reginald Bain, over to have a look around. He happens upon the barrels of the drug, which looks like red dust. Gridloo and Pridloo tell Bain that it's dirt that they use for growing plants. Bain moves on, then excuses himself to beam back to the Abu Simbel. With the repairs complete, Gridloo and Pridloo are ready to continue on their way, but Bain lets them know that he beamed their unacceptable soil out into space and replaced it with some good quality soil from his personal supply. As a result of losing the drugs, Gridloo and Pridloo had to sell Ship and become lung fry cooks at [[McBaughb's]] until they could save up for New Ship. | |||
===Damm=== | |||
Several years earlier, [[Damm]], a psychotically murderous Ferengi, has a plan that will allow her to trap and kill an entire room full of people: a timeshare presentation! She reserves a meeting room at the Rigel Inn and rigs all of the chairs with electric shock systems to stun their occupants. Admiral [[Kristen Larkin]] brings Captain Reginald Bain to the presentation, with the idea that he might want to get a timeshare on the resort planet of Caspia for his wife, [[Rosalyn Bain]]. | |||
Bain accidentally knocks off his commpip and is on the floor looking for it when Damm activates the stun chairs. The energy surge shorts out Larkin, but Bain is completely unaffected. Damm charges over demanding to know why they aren’t unconscious. In a rage, she attacks Larkin and quickly discovers that Larkin is an android. She rips off Larkin’s head and flings it at Bain, catching the captain in the gut. Unwilling to hit a woman, Bain tries multiple times to talk Damm into ceasing her attacks on his person. Finally fed up, he knocks her out with one punch. | |||
Damm was sent to an institution after this and barely escaped with her insanity intact. | |||
===Dr. Lenik=== | |||
Dr. [[Lenik]] is a Romulan geneticist who hates Vulcans and is disgusted by the rise of [[RommaVulc]] beliefs among young Romulans. She sets up a small lab on a secluded world to work on a bioweapon that would kill Vulcans and not Romulans. After years of research and work, she finally happens upon a solution. She has just synthesized the first small vial when a raceabout carrying Reginald Bain and two others crashes into her lab, destroying everything. The other occupants of the raceabout are killed on impact, but Bain survives and pulls Lenik to safety. She is badly injured, but Bain does his best to take care of her, find her food, and keep her entertained with story after story after story. After two weeks, Lenik is ready to kill him. Just as she is about to stab Bain, he vanishes in a transporter beam. She is beamed up to a Starfleet ship as well, and Bain says he’ll keep her company for two more days as they take her back to Romulus. | |||
===Lorgander Delk=== | |||
Twenty years earlier, Captain [[Lorgander Delk]] of the Dyonian Legion is about to cross the border from Dyonian space into the Federation. He is the vanguard of an invasion, and his task is to capture the planet Asindor. Dyonians believe in two kinds of space: Dyonian space and space that would one day be Dyonian space. They also believe strongly in symbolic acts, and the taking of Asindor is the symbol on which their entire invasion hangs. | |||
As Delk’s ship, the Paladin, approaches Asindor, they are hailed by the Starship [[USS Maladventure]]. Captain Bain asks Delk to state his intentions. When Delk says that he is there as part of an invasion, Bain doesn’t believe him at first and starts laughing. But when Bain realizes he is serious, he warns the Dyonian not to come any closer. Delk has the Paladin move in and prepare to engage the Maladventure. The Maladventure charges straight at the Paladin, hitting the ship with a massive weapons barrage and disabling almost everything. It then latches onto the Paladin with a tractor beam and tows them back to Dyonian space, cutting them loose at the border and leaving them to drift home. | |||
Six years later, Junior Admiral Delk and the Paladin are out in the far reaches on uncharted space to claim worlds for the Dyonian Legion. Upon entering System HY-87, the encounter the USS Maladventure again. Delk hails Bain, who has no memory of him. Delk orders the Paladin to charge the Maladventure and fire at will. Bain’s ship zooms out of the way, loops around the system’s moon, and pummels the Paladin from behind before Delk and his crew even realize what is happening. The ship’s space fold drive is destroying, leaving the Paladin to limp home. | |||
Ten years after that, Delk has lied to the Dyonian Admirality and told them that the Maladventure is the Federation’s flagship and aboard it is the Amulet of Power. Whoever possesses it rules the Federation. They agree to build the massive Paladin II, the most powerful ship every constructed by the Dyonian Legion, and since Delk brought them the way to conquer the Federation, they promote him to Rear Admiral and put him in command. The Dyonians contact Starfleet and ask the Maladventure to come to Dyonian space to discuss opening diplomatic relations. Starfleet is happy to do so, and the Maladventure arrives in empty space to way for the Dyonians’ arrival. | |||
On board the Maladventure, Ensign [[Tovar]] detects the massive vessel coming at them and posits that this may be a trap due to Bain’s past history with the Dyonians, a history that Bain has no recollection of. When the Paladin II arrives, Delk comms Bain to gloat, but Bain again doesn’t remember him. Infuriated, Delk demands that Bain surrender himself and beam over to the Paladin II, where he will be tortured for a long time and then killed. Bain agrees to Delk’s terms, but when the Paladin II lowers its shields for the transport, Tovar beams in several tri-cobalt devices instead. The resulting explosions leave the Paladin II dead in space, and the Maladventure returns to the Federation. | |||
Back in the present, Phul idly wonders if Bain knows his name. He thanks the members of FOBBER for the entertainment, but he wants to get back to drinking at the bar. He has no interest in joining a group that just sits around commiserating about the pain Bain has caused them. Dr. Lenik assures him that they are doing something about Bain and tells Phul that she put a plan in motion ten years ago that will be coming to fruition soon. With the knowledge that he could finally have his revenge on Bain, Phul decides to stay with FOBBER. | |||
==Featuring== | ==Featuring== | ||
*Captain [[Reginald Bain]] | *Captain [[Reginald Bain]] | ||
*Lieutenant Commander [[Tovar]] | *Lieutenant Commander [[Tovar]] | ||
*[[Thot-Phul]] | |||
*[[Thot Phul]] | |||
==Author's Comments== | ==Author's Comments== | ||
This story was our take on the classic Batman: The Animated Series episode, "Almost Got 'Im," in which a group of Batman's rogues sit around a poker table recounting stories of times they almost killed Batman. Our version is a lot sillier, but I think if you hadn't read any of Boldly Gone except this story, you'd have a good idea who Reginald Bain is. Reading it again twenty years after we wrote it as I work on these wiki entries, I have to say that I really like this one. It's a lot of fun, even if a bit of the narration gets a bit close to Hitchhiker's Guide at some points (Not that that's a bad thing). | |||
==Links== | ==Links== | ||
[ | [https://www.star-traks.com//boldly/stories/series5/5_1_BG_BAIN/ The Bain Of Our Existence] | ||
Latest revision as of 17:20, 21 December 2023
| Star Traks: Boldly Gone | |
| Episode name | The Bain Of Our Existence |
|---|---|
| Season | 5 |
| Episode number | 1 |
| Writer(s) | Alan Decker, Anthony Butler |
| Year | 2502 |
| Stardate | Unknown |
| Chronology | |
| Previous in series | Illusions Of Grandeur - Part Two [BG] |
| Next in series | Breaking In Is Hard To Do [BG] |
| Previous in timeline | Illusions Of Grandeur - Part Two [BG] |
| Next in timeline | Breaking In Is Hard To Do [BG] |
You don't spend as much time in the captain's chair as Reginald Bain has without making a few enemies. Needless to say, their feelings toward him aren't exactly warm and fuzzy.
Summary
After losing two ships to the USS Anomaly, Thot-Phul is wallowing in a bar in the hinterlands of space rather than facing the humiliation of returning to Breen. Much to his surprise, he is beamed out of the bar and into a room where five other people sit around a table. They introduce themselves has the members of FOBBER, Foes Of Bain Bearing Eternal Rage, and, like Phul, they have had run-ins with and vowed revenge against Reginald Bain. Each of them tell Phul their story.
Gridloo & Pridloo
Many years earlier, Gridloo and Pridloo are Pakled smugglers running a ship that they call Ship. While transporting an illegal drug to Cardassian space, a series of unfortunate events leaves Ship close to a core breach. They are happened upon by the USS Abu Simbel, which offers to assist. The Abu Simbel's captain, Wer Cillan, is suspicious and sends her Tactical Officer, Lieutenant Commander Reginald Bain, over to have a look around. He happens upon the barrels of the drug, which looks like red dust. Gridloo and Pridloo tell Bain that it's dirt that they use for growing plants. Bain moves on, then excuses himself to beam back to the Abu Simbel. With the repairs complete, Gridloo and Pridloo are ready to continue on their way, but Bain lets them know that he beamed their unacceptable soil out into space and replaced it with some good quality soil from his personal supply. As a result of losing the drugs, Gridloo and Pridloo had to sell Ship and become lung fry cooks at McBaughb's until they could save up for New Ship.
Damm
Several years earlier, Damm, a psychotically murderous Ferengi, has a plan that will allow her to trap and kill an entire room full of people: a timeshare presentation! She reserves a meeting room at the Rigel Inn and rigs all of the chairs with electric shock systems to stun their occupants. Admiral Kristen Larkin brings Captain Reginald Bain to the presentation, with the idea that he might want to get a timeshare on the resort planet of Caspia for his wife, Rosalyn Bain.
Bain accidentally knocks off his commpip and is on the floor looking for it when Damm activates the stun chairs. The energy surge shorts out Larkin, but Bain is completely unaffected. Damm charges over demanding to know why they aren’t unconscious. In a rage, she attacks Larkin and quickly discovers that Larkin is an android. She rips off Larkin’s head and flings it at Bain, catching the captain in the gut. Unwilling to hit a woman, Bain tries multiple times to talk Damm into ceasing her attacks on his person. Finally fed up, he knocks her out with one punch.
Damm was sent to an institution after this and barely escaped with her insanity intact.
Dr. Lenik
Dr. Lenik is a Romulan geneticist who hates Vulcans and is disgusted by the rise of RommaVulc beliefs among young Romulans. She sets up a small lab on a secluded world to work on a bioweapon that would kill Vulcans and not Romulans. After years of research and work, she finally happens upon a solution. She has just synthesized the first small vial when a raceabout carrying Reginald Bain and two others crashes into her lab, destroying everything. The other occupants of the raceabout are killed on impact, but Bain survives and pulls Lenik to safety. She is badly injured, but Bain does his best to take care of her, find her food, and keep her entertained with story after story after story. After two weeks, Lenik is ready to kill him. Just as she is about to stab Bain, he vanishes in a transporter beam. She is beamed up to a Starfleet ship as well, and Bain says he’ll keep her company for two more days as they take her back to Romulus.
Lorgander Delk
Twenty years earlier, Captain Lorgander Delk of the Dyonian Legion is about to cross the border from Dyonian space into the Federation. He is the vanguard of an invasion, and his task is to capture the planet Asindor. Dyonians believe in two kinds of space: Dyonian space and space that would one day be Dyonian space. They also believe strongly in symbolic acts, and the taking of Asindor is the symbol on which their entire invasion hangs.
As Delk’s ship, the Paladin, approaches Asindor, they are hailed by the Starship USS Maladventure. Captain Bain asks Delk to state his intentions. When Delk says that he is there as part of an invasion, Bain doesn’t believe him at first and starts laughing. But when Bain realizes he is serious, he warns the Dyonian not to come any closer. Delk has the Paladin move in and prepare to engage the Maladventure. The Maladventure charges straight at the Paladin, hitting the ship with a massive weapons barrage and disabling almost everything. It then latches onto the Paladin with a tractor beam and tows them back to Dyonian space, cutting them loose at the border and leaving them to drift home.
Six years later, Junior Admiral Delk and the Paladin are out in the far reaches on uncharted space to claim worlds for the Dyonian Legion. Upon entering System HY-87, the encounter the USS Maladventure again. Delk hails Bain, who has no memory of him. Delk orders the Paladin to charge the Maladventure and fire at will. Bain’s ship zooms out of the way, loops around the system’s moon, and pummels the Paladin from behind before Delk and his crew even realize what is happening. The ship’s space fold drive is destroying, leaving the Paladin to limp home.
Ten years after that, Delk has lied to the Dyonian Admirality and told them that the Maladventure is the Federation’s flagship and aboard it is the Amulet of Power. Whoever possesses it rules the Federation. They agree to build the massive Paladin II, the most powerful ship every constructed by the Dyonian Legion, and since Delk brought them the way to conquer the Federation, they promote him to Rear Admiral and put him in command. The Dyonians contact Starfleet and ask the Maladventure to come to Dyonian space to discuss opening diplomatic relations. Starfleet is happy to do so, and the Maladventure arrives in empty space to way for the Dyonians’ arrival.
On board the Maladventure, Ensign Tovar detects the massive vessel coming at them and posits that this may be a trap due to Bain’s past history with the Dyonians, a history that Bain has no recollection of. When the Paladin II arrives, Delk comms Bain to gloat, but Bain again doesn’t remember him. Infuriated, Delk demands that Bain surrender himself and beam over to the Paladin II, where he will be tortured for a long time and then killed. Bain agrees to Delk’s terms, but when the Paladin II lowers its shields for the transport, Tovar beams in several tri-cobalt devices instead. The resulting explosions leave the Paladin II dead in space, and the Maladventure returns to the Federation.
Back in the present, Phul idly wonders if Bain knows his name. He thanks the members of FOBBER for the entertainment, but he wants to get back to drinking at the bar. He has no interest in joining a group that just sits around commiserating about the pain Bain has caused them. Dr. Lenik assures him that they are doing something about Bain and tells Phul that she put a plan in motion ten years ago that will be coming to fruition soon. With the knowledge that he could finally have his revenge on Bain, Phul decides to stay with FOBBER.
Featuring
- Captain Reginald Bain
- Lieutenant Commander Tovar
- Thot-Phul
Author's Comments
This story was our take on the classic Batman: The Animated Series episode, "Almost Got 'Im," in which a group of Batman's rogues sit around a poker table recounting stories of times they almost killed Batman. Our version is a lot sillier, but I think if you hadn't read any of Boldly Gone except this story, you'd have a good idea who Reginald Bain is. Reading it again twenty years after we wrote it as I work on these wiki entries, I have to say that I really like this one. It's a lot of fun, even if a bit of the narration gets a bit close to Hitchhiker's Guide at some points (Not that that's a bad thing).